1. Купіць брокалі, калі вы ведаеце, што ёсць ужо больш чым досыць у халадзільніку.
2. Go for a run. Cool off. Take off clean pillow case and replace with T-shirt. Cover with clean pillow case.
3. Пры руху, спытаеце, калі мы павінны ісці няправільны шлях ўніз вуліца з аднабаковым рухам.
4. Для 15 гадоў, кожную нядзелю, што вы жонка прапануе збіраецца ў музей, выказваюць здзіўленне, што музеі адкрыты ў нядзелю.
5. Для 15 гадоў, occasionally suggest going to the local book store on Sunday. Express surprise that they are not open on Sunday’s (дзякуй вялікі Пурытанскія законы!).
6. Выкарыстоўваць 20 пунктаў, каб зрабіць 3 point turn.
7. На халодную восень рана днём, walk into the room and turn on the A/C. Complain that it’s cold. When wife says, "then why did you turn that on, дурны" і ўстае, каб выключыць яго, grab the warm spot she had on the couch. Bonus points if she does not realize you did it until much later.
8. Адкрыць слоік смачнага тунца белы тунец і з'есці яго прама з банкі, у ложку, ноччу.
9. Пайсці на кухню ў той час як жонка есць вячэру, адкрыць скрыню сталовых прыбораў і посуду штуршок вакол, пакуль крыкі жонкі, "what are you looking for!"
10. Атрымаўшы новыя візітныя карткі, таемна размясціць іх па ўсім доме: Пад ложкам, ў навалачцы, ўнутры кававыя кубкі, ў сумачцы, ў кішэні паліто, адсекаў аўтамабіля пальчаткі, каморы — anywhere you can think of.
11. Напісаць запісаў аб вашай жонцы.
12. Прачынацца.
13. Пры хадзе на вуліцах Нью-Ёрка, be on the alert for "crusty" objects on the ground. Маючы на ​​ўвазе асаблівых боязі вашай жонкі, дасягнуць ўніз, як быццам падняць адзін і спытаць, "hmm, Цікава, што гэта такое?" (Be prepared for wife to body slam you as if she’s a secret service agent protecting the President from a sniper or you’ll find yourself laying on your back on the sidewalk).
14. Drive twice around a parking lot looking for space. You know you’ve really hit pay dirt when your son in the back seat yells, "Oh no! Ён робіць гэта зноў!"
15. Write "top 10" спісы, якія не маюць 10 элементы.

===

Бонусныя жарт жонкі:

Two male co-workers go out to lunch. One of them tells the other, "I let loose an embarrassing Freudian slip the other night."

"A Freudian slip? What’s that?"

"Well, калі мы скончылі ёсць, Падышла афіцыянтка і спытала, як нам спадабаліся нашы стравы. Я меў на ўвазе сказаць, ‘I loved the chicken breast’ but instead I said ‘I loved your breasts’. I was so embarrassed."

"Ah," his co-worker replied. "I had the same thing happen to me this weekend with my wife. We were eating breakfast I meant to ask her to pass the butter, але замест гэтага я крычаў на яе, ‘You ruined my life!'"

</канец>

Каля шасці гадоў таму, my four-year-old son and I were upstairs watching a Discovery channel "shark attacks" спецыяльны (Напэўна, гэты адказ). He was very young at the point and I was always worried what he might see on a show like this and how he might take it. I didn’t want him to develop, напрыклад, любы special fears of the water or blab something inappropriate to his friends and possibly cause his baby friend network to come crashing down.

Discovery handles these kinds of subjects very well. It’s not about creating a fear of something, but rather to show how unusual it is for sharks to attack humans.

Так, we’re watching it and there is this one particularly scary attack involving a small girl. As Discovery is building the drama of the attack, my son (who has always been extremely jumpy anyway), is getting very excited. I make some noises about how unusual it is for sharks to attack people, and how bad the poor girl must feel. I’m trying to explain that people recover from these events and become stronger for it. Аднак, I had misinterpreted his excitement. He was not worried about the girl at all. Замест, while clapping his hands, he tells me, "The sharks love it! It’s terrific. It’s wonderful. Its a DREAM COME TRUE!"

I thought this was hilarious, but also very disturbing. З аднаго боку, I was glad — even a little proud — that he could have strong empathic feelings, cross-species though they may be. As humans, we need to develop our "empathic muscles" so speak or you’ll end up like this guy 🙂 On the other hand, he was feeling cross-species empathy toward a species who was exhibiting behavior inimical to his own. I was really struggling with this when the narrator used the word "paradigm". My son picked up on that and asked me what that meant.

That’s not such an easy word to describe to a four year old, but I gave it a try. When I think of the word "paradigm", Thomas Kuhn is never far from my thoughts. Я чытаю The Structure of Scientific Revolutions back at Lafayette and for better or for worse, the word "paradigm" is pregnant with extra meaning for me. (Sort of like the word "contact" after hearing a Movie Phone voice tell me where I could see that movie [I thought the book was better]; I always say to myself, "CONTACT!" whenever I see or hear someone say "contact").

У любым выпадку, I’m trying to explain to him a Kuhnian definition, that it’s "a historical movement of thought" and that it’s a "way of thinking with a number of built-in assumptions that are hard to escape for people living at that time." Вядома, you can’t talk like to a four-year old, so I’m trying to successively define it to smaller pieces and feeling rather proud of myself as I do so. (I just knew that someone outside of college would care that I had read Kuhn!).

I’m just warming to the task when he interrupts me. Waving his hand in my general direction and never taking his eyes off another brutal shark attack, he just says, "Yeah, ды, ды. Глупства, глупства, blah.".

So much for that 🙂

At that point, I decided to run away, rhetorically speaking, sit back, and enjoy watching sharks attack humans with my son.

</канец>

Назад каля 1999, Я праводзіў шмат тыдняў у Санта-Барбары, Каліфорнія, працоўныя для кліента, leaving my poor wife back here in New Jersey alone. I dearly love my wife. I love her just as much today as I did when she foolishly married me 1,000 years or so ago. Дзе-то ўздоўж лініі, Я прыдумаў фразу, "special fear", as in "Samantha has special fears." She as a special fear of "bugs", якія ёй не мухі або божыя кароўкі, but rather microbes. She’s afraid of this or that virus or unusual bacteria afflicting our son, ці мне, but never really herself. (Яна таксама спецыяльна баіцца вампіраў, мініяцюрныя лялькі зла (асабліва блазнаў) і падводных аварый; яна перараслі яе спецыяльны страх людзей, апранутых у касцюмы Санта-Клаўса).

Аднойчы, my co-worker and I decided to drive up into the nearby mountains near Ohai. At one point, we got out of the car to take in the scene. When we got back into the car, I noticed that a tick was on my shoulder. I flicked out the window and that was it.

У тую ноч, I told her about our drive and mentioned the tick. The conversation went something like this:

S: "Oooo! Those are bad. They carry diseases."

P: "Well, Я пстрыкнуў яго ў акно."

S: "They are really bad though. They can get under your skin and suck blood and transfer bugs. You better check your hair and make sure there aren’t any in your head!"

P: Ва ўвесь голас: "My God! CAN THEY TAKE OVER YOUR MIND???"

S: Літаральна абнадзейвае мяне: "No, яны не так ужо дрэнныя."

</канец>

Мы купілі наш першы (і толькі) "luxury" car back when hurricane Floyd nailed the east coast of the U.S. We got a LOT of rain here in New Jersey and several days passed before life returned to normal. Just before Floyd struck, мы зрабілі прапанову выкарыстоўваць Volvo 850 GL and after Floyd struck, drove it home.

It was our first car with a CD player. Like most new car owners, we went a little CD crazy, revived our dormant CD collection and went on long drives just to listen to CD’s in the car. Like all fads, this passed for us and we ended listening to the same CD over and over again. У нашым выпадку, it was Jesus Christ Superstar.

Адзін з (многія) brilliant pieces in that rock opera is sung by the establishment religious types, led by Caiaphas, the "High Priest". They sing their way into deciding how to handle the "Jesus problem" and Caiaphas directs them to the conclusion that "Jesus must die". The refrain on the song is "Just must die, must die, must die, this Jesus must die". You hear that refrain a lot in that piece.

At the time, my son was about three years old. You can probably see where this is going.

I came home from work one day and my son is in the living room playing with toys and humming to himself. I’m taking off my jacket, looking through the mail and all my usual walk-in-the-door stuff and I suddenly realize that he’s just saying, not really singing: "Jesus must die, must die, must die." I was mortified. I could just see him doing that while on one of his baby play dates at a friend’s house — probably the last play date with that baby friend.

We pulled that CD out of the Volvo after that 🙂

</канец>

Так, сёння раніцай, Мой сын вырашыў ўбачыць ўзроставыя абмежаванні трынаццаць Halo 3 відэа пры Gamespot. I’m outside shoveling snow, so I’m not there to help or hinder. Necessity is the mother of invention and all that … he has a eureka! moment. He realizes that even though Gamespot wants him to enter his рэальны Дата нараджэння, на самай справе ён можа ўвесці любы birth date he wants. Once he realized that, ён прымусіў сябе дастаткова дарослым, каб убачыць відэа.

I’m not quite sure how I feel about this 🙂

На сваю першую працу з каледжа ў 1991, Мне пашчасціла працаваць у вытворчай кампаніі з 13 месцаў, not including its corporate HQ in New Jersey. I joined just when the company was rolling out a new ERP system. We were a small IT department of about ten people altogether, two of whom Did Not Travel. Part of the project involved replacing IBM System 36 boxes with HP hardware and HPUX. Everyone used green tubes to access the system.

Праект коціцца, і я паслаў ўніз ў Балтымор з новым супрацоўнікам, Джэф. Our job was to power up the Unix box, Пераканайцеся, што O / S бег, Ўстаноўка сістэмы ERP, наладзе ERP, train people on the ERP and do custom work for folks on the spot. (Гэта была праца маёй мары, Асабліва ідзе прама з каледжа). Before we could really get off the ground, нам трэба распакаваць ўсе зялёныя трубы, put them on desks and wire them. And the best part was that we had to put the RJ11 connectors on ourselves.

Па некаторых прычынах, якія я ніколі не разумеў, а на самай справе ніколі не думаў, каб спытаць а ў той час,, У нас былі некаторыя падраднай арганізацыяй, прыйсці і працаваць кабеля па ўсім расліне, but we didn’t have them put on the connectors. Так, было "патч акне" з дзесяткамі немеченых кабеляў у "кампутарным кабінеце" і гэтыя круціўся вакол будынка ў розных месцах у будынку.

Мы праклалі сабе шлях праз яго на працягу выходных, тэставанне кожнага правады, пакласці на раздыме (пераканаўшыся, што ён быў прама супраць. Скрыжаваныя), забеспячэнне трохі налады на зялёнай трубкі і друкаркі былі правільнымі, labeling wires, пераканаўшыся, што "Геці" was running correctly for each port and probably a thousand other things that I’ve suppressed since then. It all came together quite nicely.

Але, there was one important cable that we couldn’t figure out. The plant in Baltimore had a relationship with a warehousing location in New Jersey. Some orders placed in Baltimore shipped out of that location. There were two wires that we had to connect to the HPUX box: a green tube and a printer. The green tube was easy, але прынтэр ператварыліся ў тры тыдні кашмару.

Калі вы не ведаеце, або падушаныя яго, справу з зялёнай трубкі і друкаркі Такім чынам,, there are various options that you deal with by setting various pins. 8-біт, 7-біт, цотнасць (цотныя / няцотныя / няма), probably others. If you get one of those settings wrong, трубы або прынтэр па-ранейшаму паказвае рэчы, але гэта будзе агульны трызненне, or it will be gibberish with a lot of recognizable stuff in between. Вядома, these pins are hard to see and have to be set by using a small flat-edge screw driver. And they are never standard.

Мы стварылі першы з многіх хуткага выкліку з хлопцам Нью-Джэрсі (Сівы ненавіснік кампутар, які, верагодна праклёны нас па гэты дзень). We got the green tube working pretty quickly, but we couldn’t get the printer to work. It kept "printing garbage". We would create a new RJ11 connector, switching between crossed and straight. We would delete the port and re-created in Unix. We went through the arduous task of having him explain to us the pin configuration on the printer, ніколі не ўпэўнены, што калі ён робіць гэта правільна.

Час ісці жыць, усё ў Балтыморы кіпіць, Але мы не можам атрымаць праклятыя друкаркі ў Нью-Джэрсі працаваць! We’ve exhausted all possibilities except for driving back up to NJ to work on the printer in person. To avoid all that driving, мы, нарэшце, папытаеце яго нам па факсе, што ён атрымлівае, калі гэта "смецце", спадзеючыся, што, можа быць, там будуць нейкія падказкі ў тым, што смецце, які скажа нам, што мы робім няправільна.

Калі мы атрымалі факс, we immediately knew what was wrong. Паглядзець, наш метад тэставання мы наладзілі прынтэр правільна было выдаваць "LP" Каманда, як гэта:

LP / і г.д. / пароль

У асноўным, we printed out the unix password file. It’s always present and out of the box, always just one page. You standard Unix password file looks something like this:

каваль:*:100:100:8A-74(офіс):/Галоўная / каваль:/USR / бен / ш
:*:200:0::/Галоўная / госць:/usr/bin/sh  

We had been printing out the password file over and over again for several weeks and it was printing correctly. Аднак, для канчатковых карыстальнікаў, яна была "друк смецця".

</канец>