1. Купи брокула кога знаеш таму е веќе повеќе од доволно во фрижидер.
2. Go for a run. Cool off. Take off clean pillow case and replace with T-shirt. Cover with clean pillow case.
3. Кога возите, праша дали ние треба да одиме на погрешен начин надолу по еднонасочна улица.
4. За 15 години, секоја недела дека жената сугерира да оди во музеј, изразуваат изненадување што музеи се отворени на неделата.
5. За 15 години, occasionally suggest going to the local book store on Sunday. Express surprise that they are not open on Sunday’s (Фала многу Сини закони!).
6. Користат 20 поени да се направи 3 point turn.
7. На кул рана есен попладне, walk into the room and turn on the A/C. Complain that it’s cold. When wife says, "then why did you turn that on, глупо" и станува за да го исклучите, grab the warm spot she had on the couch. Bonus points if she does not realize you did it until much later.
8. Отвори конзерва вкусни бела туна и го јадат директно од конзерва, во кревет, во текот на ноќта.
9. Одат во кујна додека жената е вечерал, отвори прибор за јадење фиока и да се поттикнат прибор околу додека сопруга писоци, "what are you looking for!"
10. По приемот на нови деловни картички, тајно ги стават низ целата куќа: Под креветот, во навлаки за перници, внатре филџани, во нејзината чанта, во капут џебови, автомобил ракавица прегради, оставата, чајната кујна — anywhere you can think of.
11. Напиши блог постови во врска со вашата сопруга.
12. Се разбудам.
13. Кога шетаат по улиците на Њу Јорк, be on the alert for "crusty" objects on the ground. Имајќи го во предвид посебен стравови вашата жена, снемам како за собереш и да побара, "Hmm, Се прашувам што е тоа?" (Be prepared for wife to body slam you as if she’s a secret service agent protecting the President from a sniper or you’ll find yourself laying on your back on the sidewalk).
14. Drive twice around a parking lot looking for space. You know you’ve really hit pay dirt when your son in the back seat yells, "Oh no! Тој го прави тоа повторно!"
15. Write "top 10" списоци кои немаат 10 предмети.

===

Бонус сопруга шега:

Two male co-workers go out to lunch. One of them tells the other, "I let loose an embarrassing Freudian slip the other night."

"A Freudian slip? What’s that?"

"Well, кога ќе заврши јадење, келнерката дојде и праша како ние се допадна нашата оброци. Мислев каже, ‘I loved the chicken breast’ but instead I said ‘I loved your breasts’. I was so embarrassed."

"Ah," his co-worker replied. "I had the same thing happen to me this weekend with my wife. We were eating breakfast I meant to ask her to pass the butter, но наместо тоа, јас извикав на нејзината, ‘You ruined my life!""

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За шест години, моите четири-годишен син и јас бевме горе гледа Дискавери канал "shark attacks" специјални (можеби ова). He was very young at the point and I was always worried what he might see on a show like this and how he might take it. I didn’t want him to develop, на пример, било специјални стравувањата на вода или издавам тајна нешто несоодветно со неговите пријатели и евентуално да предизвика неговата бебе пријател мрежа да дојде паѓа надолу.

Discovery handles these kinds of subjects very well. It’s not about creating a страв од нешто, but rather to show how unusual it is for sharks to attack humans.

Така, we’re watching it and there is this one particularly scary attack involving a small girl. As Discovery is building the drama of the attack, мојот звук (кој секогаш бил исклучително напнат и онака), is getting very excited. I make some noises about how unusual it is for sharks to attack people, and how bad the poor girl must feel. I’m trying to explain that people recover from these events and become stronger for it. Сепак, I had misinterpreted his excitement. He was not worried about the girl at all. Наместо, додека плескање со рацете, тој ми кажува, "The sharks love it! It’s terrific. It’s wonderful. Its a DREAM COME TRUE!"

Мислев дека ова беше смешен, but also very disturbing. Од една страна, Ми беше мило — дури и малку горд — дека би можеле да имаат силна емпатичен чувства, cross-species though they may be. As humans, we need to develop our "empathic muscles" така зборуваат или ќе заврши како овој човек 🙂 On the other hand, he was feeling cross-species empathy toward a species who was exhibiting behavior inimical to his own. I was really struggling with this when the narrator used the word "paradigm". My son picked up on that and asked me what that meant.

Тоа не е толку лесен збор да се опише на четири години, but I gave it a try. When I think of the word "paradigm", Томас Кун is never far from my thoughts. I read Структура на научна револуција назад во Лафајет и за подобро или за полошо, the word "paradigm" is pregnant with extra meaning for me. (Sort of like the word "contact" по сослушувањето на филм Телефон глас да ми кажете каде можам да видам тој филм [Мислев дека книгата е подобро]; Јас секогаш велам, "CONTACT!" whenever I see or hear someone say "contact").

Како и да е, Се обидувам да се објасни му на Kuhnian дефиниција, that it’s "a historical movement of thought" and that it’s a "way of thinking with a number of built-in assumptions that are hard to escape for people living at that time." Се разбира, не можете да зборувате како на четири-годишен, so I’m trying to successively define it to smaller pieces and feeling rather proud of myself as I do so. (Јас само знаеше дека некој надвор од колеџ би се грижеле што сум ја прочитал Кун!).

I’m just warming to the task when he interrupts me. Waving his hand во мојата општа насока и никогаш не земајќи ги неговите очи излета уште еден брутален ајкула напад, тој само вели, "Yeah, Да, Да. Бла, бла, blah.".

So much for that 🙂

Во тој момент, Решив да бега, реторички зборува, седат назад, и уживајте во гледањето ајкули напад луѓето со мојот син.

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Назад во близина 1999, Јас бев трошење многу недели надвор во Санта Барбара, CA, работи за клиент, leaving my poor wife back here in New Jersey alone. I dearly love my wife. I love her just as much today as I did when she foolishly married me 1,000 years or so ago. Некаде по должината на линијата, Јас скова фразата, "special fear", as in "Samantha has special fears." She as a special fear of "bugs", што со неа не се лета или Ladybugs, but rather microbes. She’s afraid of this or that virus or unusual bacteria afflicting our son, или ме, but never really herself. (Таа е, исто така, специјално плаши од вампири, минијатурни зло кукли (особено кловнови) и подморница несреќи; таа е надвор порасна нејзиниот посебен страв од луѓе облечени во Дедо Мраз облека).

Еден ден, my co-worker and I decided to drive up into the nearby mountains near Ohai. At one point, we got out of the car to take in the scene. When we got back into the car, I noticed that a tick was on my shoulder. I flicked out the window and that was it.

Таа ноќ, I told her about our drive and mentioned the tick. The conversation went something like this:

S: "Oooo! Those are bad. They carry diseases."

P: "Well, Јас го flicked низ прозорецот."

S: "They are really bad though. They can get under your skin and suck blood and transfer bugs. You better check your hair and make sure there aren’t any in your head!"

P: Со повишен глас: "My God! CAN THEY TAKE OVER YOUR MIND???"

S: Буквално ме убедува: "No, тие не се толку лоши."

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Ние го купи нашиот прв (и само) "luxury" car back when hurricane Floyd nailed the east coast of the U.S. We got a LOT of rain here in New Jersey and Неколку дена веќе поминаа before life returned to normal. Just before Floyd struck, ние направивме понуда за користени Volvo 850 GL и после Флојд погоди, возеше дома.

It was our first car with a CD player. Like most new car owners, отидовме малку ЦД луд, revived our dormant CD collection and went on long drives just to listen to CD’s in the car. Like all fads, this passed for us and we ended listening to the same CD over and over again. Во нашиот случај, тоа беше Исус Христос Суперѕвезда.

Еден од (многу) брилијантен парчиња во тој рок операта е испеана од основањето религиозни типови, предводени од Кајафа, the "High Priest". They sing their way into deciding how to handle the "Jesus problem" and Caiaphas directs them to the conclusion that "Jesus must die". The refrain on the song is "Just must die, мора да умре, мора да умре, this Jesus must die". You hear that refrain a lot in that piece.

Во времето, my son was about three years old. You can probably see where this is going.

I came home from work one day and my son is in the living room playing with toys and humming to himself. I’m taking off my jacket, во потрага преку пошта и сите мојата вообичаена прошетка-in-the-врата работи и јас одеднаш сфати дека тој е само велејќи, навистина не пее: "Jesus must die, мора да умре, must die." I was mortified. I could just see him doing that while on one of his baby play dates at a friend’s house — веројатно последна претстава тек со тоа бебе пријател.

We pulled that CD out of the Volvo after that 🙂

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Така, ова утро, мојот син е решена да видите на возраст тринаесет ограничен Хало 3 video at Gamespot. I’m outside shoveling snow, so I’m not there to help or hinder. Necessity is the mother of invention and all that … he has a eureka! moment. He realizes that even though Gamespot wants him to enter his real birth date, he can actually enter било birth date he wants. Once he realized that, he made himself old enough to see the video.

I’m not quite sure how I feel about this 🙂

Во мојата прва работа надвор од колеџот во 1991, Имав среќа да работат за производство на компанијата со 13 локации, not including its corporate HQ in New Jersey. I joined just when the company was rolling out a new ERP system. We were a small IT department of about ten people altogether, two of whom Did Not Travel. Part of the project involved replacing IBM System 36 boxes with HP hardware and HPUX. Everyone used green tubes to access the system.

The project rolls along and I’m sent down to Baltimore with a new co-worker, Џеф. Our job was to power up the Unix box, make sure the O/S was running, install the ERP system, configure the ERP, train people on the ERP and do custom work for folks on the spot. (This was a dream job, especially coming straight out of college). Before we could really get off the ground, we needed to unpack all the green tubes, put them on desks and wire them. And the best part was that we had to put the RJ11 connectors on ourselves.

For some reason that I never understood and actually never thought to ask about at the time, we had had some contracting company come along and run cable throughout the plant, but we didn’t have them put on the connectors. Така, there was a "patch box" with dozens of of unlabeled cables in the "computer room" and these snaked around the building to various places in the building.

We worked our way through it over the course of a weekend, testing each wire, putting on a connector (making sure it was straight vs. crossed), ensuring the bit settings on the green tubes and printers were correct, labeling wires, making sure that "getty" was running correctly for each port and probably a thousand other things that I’ve suppressed since then. It all came together quite nicely.

Но, there was one important cable that we couldn’t figure out. The plant in Baltimore had a relationship with a warehousing location in New Jersey. Some orders placed in Baltimore shipped out of that location. There were two wires that we had to connect to the HPUX box: a green tube and a printer. The green tube was easy, but the printer turned into a three-week nightmare.

If you don’t know it, or have suppressed it, dealing with green tubes and printers this way, there are various options that you deal with by setting various pins. 8-малку, 7-малку, parity (even/odd/none), probably others. If you get one of those settings wrong, the tube or printer still shows stuff, but it will be total gibberish, or it will be gibberish with a lot of recognizable stuff in between. Се разбира, these pins are hard to see and have to be set by using a small flat-edge screw driver. And they are never standard.

We set up the first of many quick calls with the NJ guy (a grizzled computer hater who probably curses us to this day). We got the green tube working pretty quickly, but we couldn’t get the printer to work. It kept "printing garbage". We would create a new RJ11 connector, switching between crossed and straight. We would delete the port and re-created in Unix. We went through the arduous task of having him explain to us the pin configuration on the printer, never really sure if he was doing it correctly.

It’s about time to go live, everything in Baltimore is humming, but we can’t get the cursed printer up in NJ to work! We’ve exhausted all possibilities except for driving back up to NJ to work on the printer in person. To avoid all that driving, we finally ask him to fax us what he’s getting when it’s "garbage", hoping that maybe there will be some clue in that garbage that will tell us what we’re doing wrong.

When we got the fax, we immediately knew what was wrong. Види, our method of testing whether we had configured a printer correctly was to issue an "lp" command like this:

lp /etc/passwd

Основа, we printed out the unix password file. It’s always present and out of the box, always just one page. You standard Unix password file looks something like this:

smith:*:100:100:8A-74(канцеларија):/home/smith:/usr/bin/sh
guest:*:200:0::/home/guest:/usr/bin/sh  

We had been printing out the password file over and over again for several weeks and it was printing correctly. Сепак, to the end user, it was "printing garbage".

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