1. Blej brokoli, kur ju e dini se nuk është tashmë më shumë se e mjaftueshme në frigorifer.
2. Go for a run. Cool off. Take off clean pillow case and replace with T-shirt. Cover with clean pillow case.
3. Kur makinës, pyesin nëse ne duhet të shkojnë në rrugën e gabuar poshtë një rrugë me një kalim.
4. Për 15 vjet, every Sunday that you wife suggests going to a museum, express surprise that museums are open on Sunday’s.
5. Për 15 vjet, occasionally suggest going to the local book store on Sunday. Express surprise that they are not open on Sunday’s (thanks a lot Blue Laws!).
6. Përdorim 20 points to do a 3 point turn.
7. On a cool early Fall afternoon, walk into the room and turn on the A/C. Complain that it’s cold. When wife says, "then why did you turn that on, silly" and gets up to turn it off, grab the warm spot she had on the couch. Bonus points if she does not realize you did it until much later.
8. Open up a can of delicious white albacore tuna and eat it straight from the can, in bed, at night.
9. Go into the kitchen while wife is eating dinner, open up the cutlery drawer and push utensils around until wife screams, "what are you looking for!"
10. On receipt of new business cards, secretly place them all around the house: Under the bed, in pillow cases, inside coffee cups, in her purse, in coat pockets, car glove compartments, the pantry — anywhere you can think of.
11. Write blog entries about your wife.
12. Wake up.
13. When walking the streets of New York City, be on the alert for "crusty" objects on the ground. Keeping in mind your wife’s special fears, reach down as if to pick one up up and ask, "hmm, I wonder what that is?" (Be prepared for wife to body slam you as if she’s a secret service agent protecting the President from a sniper or you’ll find yourself laying on your back on the sidewalk).
14. Drive twice around a parking lot looking for space. You know you’ve really hit pay dirt when your son in the back seat yells, "Oh no! He’s doing it përsëri!"
15. Write "top 10" lists that don’t have 10 artikuj.

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Bonus wife joke:

Two male co-workers go out to lunch. One of them tells the other, "I let loose an embarrassing Freudian slip the other night."

"A Freudian slip? What’s that?"

"Well, when we finished eating, the waitress came by and asked how we liked our meals. I meant say, ‘I loved the chicken breast’ but instead I said ‘I loved your breasts’. I was so embarrassed."

"Ah," his co-worker replied. "I had the same thing happen to me this weekend with my wife. We were eating breakfast I meant to ask her to pass the butter, but instead I screamed at her, ‘You ruined my life!'"

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Rreth gjashtë vjet më parë, Djali katër-vjeçar ime dhe unë u shikuar një lart Discovery Channel "shark attacks" i veçantë (ndoshta kjo). He was very young at the point and I was always worried what he might see on a show like this and how he might take it. I didn’t want him to develop, për shembull, ndonjë Frika speciale i ujit ose llomotis diçka e papërshtatshme për miqtë e tij dhe mundësisht të shkaktojë rrjetin shoku i tij fëmijë që do të vijnë crashing down.

Discovery handles these kinds of subjects very well. It’s not about creating a frika e diçka, but rather to show how unusual it is for sharks to attack humans.

Kështu, we’re watching it and there is this one particularly scary attack involving a small girl. As Discovery is building the drama of the attack, biri im (i cili ka qenë gjithmonë shumë i nevrikosur gjithsesi), is getting very excited. I make some noises about how unusual it is for sharks to attack people, and how bad the poor girl must feel. I’m trying to explain that people recover from these events and become stronger for it. Megjithatë, I had misinterpreted his excitement. He was not worried about the girl at all. Në vend të kësaj, ndërsa duartrokitje duart e tij, ai tregon mua, "The sharks love it! It’s terrific. It’s wonderful. Its a DREAM COME TRUE!"

Mendova se kjo ishte hilarious, but also very disturbing. Nga njëra anë, Unë kam qenë i kënaqur — madje edhe një pak krenar — se ai mund të ketë ndjenja të forta empatik, cross-species though they may be. As humans, we need to develop our "empathic muscles" kështu që të flasin, ose ju do të përfundojë si ky djalë 🙂 On the other hand, he was feeling cross-species empathy toward a species who was exhibiting behavior inimical to his own. I was really struggling with this when the narrator used the word "paradigm". My son picked up on that and asked me what that meant.

Kjo nuk është e tillë një fjalë e lehtë për të përshkruar në një vit katër vjetër, but I gave it a try. When I think of the word "paradigm", Thomas Kuhn is never far from my thoughts. Kam lexuar Struktura e revolucioneve shkencore mbrapa në Lafayette dhe për mirë apo për keq, the word "paradigm" is pregnant with extra meaning for me. (Sort of like the word "contact" pasi dëgjoi një zë Telefon Movie thoni ku unë mund të shoh se filmi [Mendova se libri ishte më e mirë]; Unë gjithmonë them vetes, "CONTACT!" whenever I see or hear someone say "contact").

Dosido, Unë jam duke u përpjekur për të shpjeguar atij një përkufizim Kuhnian, that it’s "a historical movement of thought" and that it’s a "way of thinking with a number of built-in assumptions that are hard to escape for people living at that time." Sigurisht, ju nuk mund të flasim si për një mandat katër-vjeçar, so I’m trying to successively define it to smaller pieces and feeling rather proud of myself as I do so. (Unë vetëm e dinte se dikush jashtë kolegj do të kujdeset që kisha lexuar Kuhn!).

I’m just warming to the task when he interrupts me. Waving his hand në drejtimin tim përgjithshme dhe kurrë duke marrë sytë e tij jashtë një tjetër sulm peshkaqeni brutal, ai vetëm i thotë:, "Yeah, vërtet, vërtet. Llafe, llafe, blah.".

So much for that 🙂

Në atë moment, Unë vendosa të largohem, retorike folur, rri duarkryq, dhe gëzojnë të shikuar peshkaqenë njerëzit sulmojnë me djalin tim.

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Mbrapsht në afërsi 1999, Unë kam qenë shpenzimet e një shumë prej javësh në Santa Barbara, CA, duke punuar për një klient, leaving my poor wife back here in New Jersey alone. I dearly love my wife. I love her just as much today as I did when she foolishly married me 1,000 years or so ago. Somewhere along the line, Unë shpikur një frazë, "special fear", as in "Samantha has special fears." She as a special fear of "bugs", të cilat të saj nuk janë mizat apo ladybugs, but rather microbes. She’s afraid of this or that virus or unusual bacteria afflicting our son, ose mua, but never really herself. (Ajo është gjithashtu posaçërisht frikë nga Vampires, kukulla miniaturë liga (sidomos clowns) dhe aksidentet nëndetëse; ajo është rritur jashtë frikën e saj të veçantë të njerëzve të veshur me veshjet Santa Claus).

Një ditë, my co-worker and I decided to drive up into the nearby mountains near Ohai. At one point, we got out of the car to take in the scene. When we got back into the car, I noticed that a tick was on my shoulder. I flicked out the window and that was it.

Atë natë, I told her about our drive and mentioned the tick. The conversation went something like this:

S: "Oooo! Those are bad. They carry diseases."

P: "Well, Unë flicked atë jashtë dritares."

S: "They are really bad though. They can get under your skin and suck blood and transfer bugs. You better check your hair and make sure there aren’t any in your head!"

P: Me zë të lartë: "My God! CAN THEY TAKE OVER YOUR MIND???"

S: Fjalë për fjalë qetësuese mua: "No, ata nuk janë aq keq."

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Ne blerë tonë të parë (dhe vetëm) "luxury" car back when hurricane Floyd nailed the east coast of the U.S. We got a LOT of rain here in New Jersey and disa ditë kaloi before life returned to normal. Just before Floyd struck, kemi bërë një ofertë për një Volvo përdorur 850 GL dhe pas Floyd goditi, çuan atë në shtëpi.

It was our first car with a CD player. Like most new car owners, ne kemi shkuar pak i çmendur CD, revived our dormant CD collection and went on long drives just to listen to CD’s in the car. Like all fads, this passed for us and we ended listening to the same CD over and over again. Në rastin tonë, ajo ishte Jezu Krishti Superstar.

Një nga (shumë) copa të shkëlqyer në këtë opera rok këndohet nga llojet Establishmenti fetar, e udhëhequr nga Kajafa, the "High Priest". They sing their way into deciding how to handle the "Jesus problem" and Caiaphas directs them to the conclusion that "Jesus must die". The refrain on the song is "Just must die, duhet të vdesin, duhet të vdesin, this Jesus must die". You hear that refrain a lot in that piece.

Në kohën, my son was about three years old. You can probably see where this is going.

I came home from work one day and my son is in the living room playing with toys and humming to himself. I’m taking off my jacket, kërkoni përmes postës dhe të gjitha ecin-in-the-dyer ime zakonisht sende dhe unë papritmas e kupton se ai është vetëm duke thënë se, jo të vërtetë duke kënduar: "Jesus must die, duhet të vdesin, must die." I was mortified. I could just see him doing that while on one of his baby play dates at a friend’s house — ndoshta data e fundit loja me atë mik fëmijën.

We pulled that CD out of the Volvo after that 🙂

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Kështu, këtë mëngjes, djali im është i vendosur për të parë një Halo moshën trembëdhjetë kufizuar 3 Video në Gamespot. I’m outside shoveling snow, so I’m not there to help or hinder. Necessity is the mother of invention and all that … he has a eureka! moment. He realizes that even though Gamespot wants him to enter his real data e lindjes, ai në fakt mund të hyjë ndonjë birth date he wants. Once he realized that, ai e bëri veten të vjetër të mjaftueshme për të parë këtë video.

I’m not quite sure how I feel about this 🙂

Në punën time të parë të kolegjit në 1991, Unë kam qenë me fat për të punuar për një kompani prodhuese me 13 Lokacionet, not including its corporate HQ in New Jersey. I joined just when the company was rolling out a new ERP system. We were a small IT department of about ten people altogether, two of whom Did Not Travel. Part of the project involved replacing IBM System 36 boxes with HP hardware and HPUX. Everyone used green tubes to access the system.

Projekti rrotullon së bashku dhe unë jam i dërguar poshtë në Baltimore me një të ri bashkë-punëtor, Jeff. Our job was to power up the Unix box, sigurohuni O / S ishte duke vrapuar, instaluar sistemin ERP, konfiguroni ERP, train people on the ERP and do custom work for folks on the spot. (This was a dream job, especially coming straight out of college). Before we could really get off the ground, we needed to unpack all the green tubes, put them on desks and wire them. And the best part was that we had to put the RJ11 connectors on ourselves.

For some reason that I never understood and actually never thought to ask about at the time, we had had some contracting company come along and run cable throughout the plant, but we didn’t have them put on the connectors. Kështu, there was a "patch box" with dozens of of unlabeled cables in the "computer room" and these snaked around the building to various places in the building.

Ne kemi punuar rrugën tonë nëpërmjet saj gjatë rrjedhës së një fundjavë, testimi çdo tel, vënë në një lidhës (duke u siguruar se ishte e drejtë vs. kaluar), sigurimin settings pak në tubat e gjelbër dhe printera ishin të sakta, labeling wires, making sure that "getty" was running correctly for each port and probably a thousand other things that I’ve suppressed since then. It all came together quite nicely.

Por, there was one important cable that we couldn’t figure out. The plant in Baltimore had a relationship with a warehousing location in New Jersey. Some orders placed in Baltimore shipped out of that location. There were two wires that we had to connect to the HPUX box: a green tube and a printer. The green tube was easy, but the printer turned into a three-week nightmare.

If you don’t know it, or have suppressed it, dealing with green tubes and printers this way, there are various options that you deal with by setting various pins. 8-bit, 7-bit, parity (even/odd/none), probably others. If you get one of those settings wrong, the tube or printer still shows stuff, but it will be total gibberish, or it will be gibberish with a lot of recognizable stuff in between. Sigurisht, these pins are hard to see and have to be set by using a small flat-edge screw driver. And they are never standard.

We set up the first of many quick calls with the NJ guy (a grizzled computer hater who probably curses us to this day). We got the green tube working pretty quickly, but we couldn’t get the printer to work. It kept "printing garbage". We would create a new RJ11 connector, switching between crossed and straight. We would delete the port and re-created in Unix. We went through the arduous task of having him explain to us the pin configuration on the printer, kurrë me të vërtetë i sigurt nëse ai e kishte bërë atë të saktë.

Është koha për të shkuar të jetojnë, gjithçka në Baltimore është gjallë, por ne nuk mund të merrni printer mallkuar deri në New Jersey për të punuar! We’ve exhausted all possibilities except for driving back up to NJ to work on the printer in person. To avoid all that driving, we finally ask him to fax us what he’s getting when it’s "garbage", hoping that maybe there will be some clue in that garbage that will tell us what we’re doing wrong.

When we got the fax, we immediately knew what was wrong. Shoh, our method of testing whether we had configured a printer correctly was to issue an "lp" command like this:

lp /etc/passwd

Në parim, we printed out the unix password file. It’s always present and out of the box, always just one page. You standard Unix password file looks something like this:

smith:*:100:100:8A-74(zyrë):/home/smith:/usr/bin/sh
guest:*:200:0::/home/guest:/usr/bin/sh  

We had been printing out the password file over and over again for several weeks and it was printing correctly. Megjithatë, to the end user, it was "printing garbage".

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